Regretfully Read online

  “Yep. Surfing is what comes natural, and this is the next best alternative. Uhh— Carter can help you if you need anything. I was just about to head out.” I needed to get away, quickly.

  “Catch ya later, Carter. I’ll call you later. Bye, Aria.” I grabbed my bag and headed for the door without waiting for a response from either of them.

  What was wrong with me? I had never left work early, and Aria hadn’t done anything wrong. I felt like a douche the instant I walked out of the store— but I could finally breathe again.

  Being around Aria scared the hell out of me. She was probably just trying to be a friend, but I didn’t think I could have her that close to me and not have thoughts about her. Her dimples as she smiled, her hazel eyes looking back into my green, her auburn hair falling around her face as she climbed on top of me.

  Shit.

  That was beyond confusing. I went to his work, hoping he would be there today. Ryder had filled me in on how Tristen was dealing with things on his own but hadn’t gone back out in the water once since Cami’s death. He let me in on his new idea to stay close to his roots for a career.

  What I hadn’t planned on was to catch him eye-fucking me when I stepped out of the dressing room. Sure, I had found a sexy bikini that I already knew would look good on me. I didn’t expect for him to spot me from across the store the minute I stepped into view.

  He was lost in thought when I saw him after getting dressed again. He was still struggling, obviously, but I hated how once he realized I was remotely close to him, he darted for the door and never looked back.

  I had given him space, but I still thought about him and how he was doing. I wanted to be his friend, but it seemed that wasn’t a possibility anymore.

  What did I do to earn him running from me?

  I ran. Packed my bags and got in the car. I made my way to Interstate 15 and didn’t even realize I had a place in mind. Vegas might be five hours away, but it was worth it to just be alone with my thoughts for a while.

  Day turned into night as I made my way to the strip. What the hell was I doing here? I didn’t gamble and wasn’t up for partying. I checked into a hotel off the beaten path and went straight up to my room.

  Visions of Aria, in her barely there swimsuit, kept popping into my head, and I tried distracting myself. She was Cami’s friend.

  Dammit, I missed Cami so much. They said the pain was supposed to lessen over time, but I called bullshit. The pain in my chest was there, twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week.

  I hadn’t found anything to make it better. Sure, I visited the beach and talked to Cami, but it felt like I was leaving her every time I walked back to my car.

  After pacing in the room for an hour, I decided I should do something so that I had Cami with me all the time. We had talked about getting matching tattoos but never got around to it.

  What would Cami like?

  She loved the water just as much as I did. I wanted something unique, true to us. She had once told me a quote, “Sometimes in the waves of change, we find our true direction”. She explained that our lives took unexpected turns, but sometimes the place the path led us was where we were meant to be.

  She was my true direction, no doubt. After she passed, I kept repeating the quote over and over again, trying to figure out our most recent “wave of change”. Cami was so excited to be a mother and was now with our little boy or girl in heaven. She would be with them forever. That light in our tragedy helped me through some of the toughest of days.

  I wanted to get the quote, but it needed something else. Cami hoped it was a little girl and my mind mulled over the idea of two dolphins, a momma and baby, embracing each other. That, along with the quote, seemed fitting for us.

  Luckily, there was a tattoo shop downstairs in my hotel, so I headed straight down there to see if they could fit me in today.

  A perky tattooed chick with neon purple hair and pink highlights made her way over to me and flashed a grin in my direction. She had a nice body and beautiful work down her left arm and on her shoulders. Scripts intertwined with roses, a pin-up girl, a four leaf clover, and an infinity symbol with the word “love” laced through it were some of the first tattoos that caught my eye.

  “Like what you see, darlin’?” She walked a few steps closer and started examining my skin. Her touch was soft but determined.

  “They look good on you.” The quality was perfection on the lines and the coloring was spot on.

  “You’re a virgin, aren’t you?” She walked behind me and lifted my shirt up. “I don’t get fresh skin too often; can I be your first?” Her voice was smooth as silk, and I could tell she was good at locking in sales and making the client feel confident and in need of her services.

  “I have something in mind near my shoulder blade. A tribute of sorts. Think you’re up for it?” I wanted to see just how good her work was. Her ink was good, but what about the stuff she did for others?

  “Of course, I’ll show you a few of the pieces I’ve done for other clients. Come back to my area and get comfortable. I’ll bring everything to you.”

  I looked around and saw pictures of her with some big name sports players, actors, and musicians. I wasn’t too worried about her skills, but I needed to make sure this was done right, for Cami.

  A few minutes later she was back with an iPad in her hands. Pulling up a stool close to me, she quickly brought up the photo gallery and began explaining some of the work I was looking at.

  “Here’s a memorial picture of a fallen soldier. The wife had it done on her left shoulder, so he’d be watching her back every day.” She passed over a few others that weren’t my style; they had more of a Japanese vibe to them. She seemed to be looking for one in particular.

  “Ahh, here’s what I was looking for. The dad’s little girl was killed by a drunk driver, and he wanted something done for her. The penguin was her favorite stuffed animal and the balloons are sending it up to heaven to be with her.” The image and shading was beautiful. Below the drawing was the quote, “The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.”

  Anyone could tell that the tattoo was very personal and thought out. I wanted something like that.

  “Is that the sort of idea you had in mind? We’ll make it personal to your story, of course, but it’s a beautiful way to honor someone you love.”

  Your work is incredible— uhh, I didn’t catch your name, sorry.” I wanted her to put something together for me, without a doubt. I was actually looking forward to the pain she was about to bring.

  “Quinn. And you are?”

  “Tristen. I have a quote in mind but want to add something else to it. I’m thinking about two dolphins, side by side, one smaller than the other. The bigger one should be snuggling or embracing the smaller one.”

  “This is very personal for you, isn’t it?” Quinn looked up into my eyes with her hand resting on my arm. She was looking for something.

  I choked up as I responded, “Very.”

  She nodded in understanding but didn’t ask for more. “And the quote?”

  “‘Sometimes in the waves of change, we find our true direction.’ I was thinking on my shoulder with the first half of the quote above the dolphins and the last half below them.”

  “Sounds perfect. Give me a few minutes to sketch something up. You’re too damn pretty to be torn up like this. I hope this ink will lessen the pain some.” Quinn gave a sad smile and a wink as she headed over to start sketching away.

  Was I that obvious? I knew the tattoo gave it away, but I hated people judging and taking pity on me.

  Fuck them.

  The vision in my head of the tattoo made me smile. Thinking about Cami being the most amazing momma up there with our little girl, that was her true direction. There wouldn’t be a day that went by when I wouldn’t think of them and what could have been.

  My true direction? I’ve given up on figuring that one out. It was taken from me that day out in the water.

  “Alri
ght, sweets, whatcha think?” Quinn walked back to the stool with a mark-up of my idea. She replicated what I saw in my head, and for that I was grateful. The dolphins were comforting each other and embraced like a mother and daughter would. The script she found was spot on with elegance and simplicity.

  I lifted my shirt over my head and turned to her. “Where would you like me?”

  “Oh, umm wow. I mean, why don’t you straddle and chair and I’ll set up right next to you.” She tried being inconspicuous with her gawking, but it was obvious. Her eyes started at my shoulders and slowly made their way down to the top of my V.

  Any other guy would see it as an open invitation, but I wasn’t here for that. Swinging one leg over the chair, I got comfortable and tossed my shirt in a chair against the wall.

  The moment the needle touched my skin, I felt a sense of contentment. I lost myself in the small vibrations and the almost tickling, yet mildly painful, sensation. I could see why people became addicted to these things. I liked it.

  Closing my eyes, I felt as Quinn worked on the outline of the dolphins before moving in to shade them. Her hand was smooth and precise, giving the impression that she was signing a letter as she inked in the quote.

  “You’ve got one impressive canvas to work with. Can I talk you into doing anything else while you’re here?” I looked up, and she was setting the gun down and grabbing the ointment to rub over it.

  “I think one tattoo is enough for today.” I looked in the mirror and was happy with the results.

  “Oh, I didn’t mean a tattoo.” I looked at her in the mirror and saw her staring at my chest.

  “What?”

  “Your nipples,” she replied, as if it was the most obvious answer.

  “What about them?” I stared at myself in the mirror with the fresh bandage on my shoulder, and I was still shirtless.

  “Piercing them, you idiot. Women love them, and they’re insanely hot. Plus, you have the chest and abs for them.” She bit down on her bottom lip and changed her focal point up to my expression.

  I had never thought about it before. I wasn’t worried about the pain.

  “Fuck it, why not?”

  “Sweet baby Jesus. You’re going to look even more fuckable after I get done with you. Your chiseled chest and olive skin are delectable but after you get these babies pierced? There will be lots of soaked panties, my dear.”

  “Go ahead and stay standing, and I’ll mark you real quick.”

  I did as she asked and watched as she examined my nipples from the side and front, making sure she was balanced and centered with her markings. Her concentration never faltered from her eyes as she worked.

  “Alright, Tristen, have a seat for me.”

  She cleansed the area, taking her time as she circled each nipple, and put on new gloves. The clamp went around my right one, and I clenched my fists in preparation.

  “Quick sting, babe.” There was no ‘one, two, three’ with her, which I didn’t mind. It hurt like a bitch for a few seconds but the dull throb quickly took over, and it was another escape for me.

  After both bars were set in place, she stood back so that I could take a look.

  “I don’t know what you’ve been through, but whatever it is, time dulls the pain. Sure, you can get little fixes to make you forget, but it won’t happen overnight. Now, you better use these to your advantage when you’re ready to move on, because they are fucking hot on you. You can say thank you now.” Quinn put her hand on my untattooed shoulder and gave a nod and a wink before cleaning everything up.

  “Thanks, Quinn. Your work is awesome, and I appreciate you taking the time with me, and not asking questions. I needed that.” I gave her a pretty generous tip and walked up to the front to check out.

  In general, I felt a little better and thought a night out with other people might be good for me. I took a cab down to the strip and started walking down the streets, stopping here and there to watch the street performers.

  I’d never seen so many Elmos, Transformers, barely clothed cupids, pirates, and wannabe showgirls in such a short distance. I walked into a few casinos but didn’t have that urge to drop hundreds of dollars on a table or slot machine like others were. The shops, artwork, and overall feel were enough for me to take in.

  It had been an hour or so since I started, and seeing all the happy couples surrounding me caused memories of Cami to resurface. I was about to head back to my hotel when I saw an attractive woman about my age being hit on by some drunk as I walked closer to the exit.

  Her body language clearly portrayed that she didn’t want this guy near her. Her arms were wrapped around her body, her shoulder trying to fend him off, and there was a scowl on her pretty face.

  I walked up just a little closer to hear their dialogue.

  “I’m not Madison, you dick! You’re drunk and need to sleep it off, then go find the real Madison to have your way with! Now get the fuck off me!” She was trying not to make a scene, but it was drawing attention now.

  “Ahh, always one to play hard to get. Come on, baby, let’s go upstairs and fool around a little. You know it’ll be good.”

  “Get. The. Fuck. Away from me.” She managed to get out of his embrace and turned to walk away.

  “Oh, no you don’t!” The drunk bastard caught her arm and pulled her back to his chest.

  I couldn’t watch anymore. No one deserved to be treated that way.

  “Hey, there you are! The rest of the group just sat down at our table. Ready for dinner—

  friend?” I hoped she caught on that I wasn’t trying anything with her, that I just wanted to help her out.

  “Uhh, oh yeah, thank you so much— Josh? Show me where to go?” She reached an arm in my direction, and the drunk looked confused.

  “Right this way. Thanks for keeping her company, I’ll take it from here.”

  “Bu-but, Madison?” He let her go willingly, trying to put the puzzle together.

  “Not Madison, you sorry drunk!” she called out as we made our way away from him.

  Just as soon as we were out of earshot, she let go and hugged me.

  “Thank you so much. I can usually handle myself, but drunks are surprisingly strong!”

  “No problem. I couldn’t just walk by and not do anything. I’m Tristen, by the way.” I held out my hand and waited as she put her much smaller hand in mine.

  “Payton.” She smiled, only further enhancing her beauty.

  What was I supposed to say now? My thoughts were jumbled with the loss and pain that had become part of my normal day. Normally, I was a lot friendlier, but I couldn’t think of what I should do in this situation.

  “Well, nice to meet you Payton. Have a good one.” I started to walk away, and I heard her call out from behind me.

  “Really? That’s all? I think I owe you more than that for helping me back there. Plus, most guys would use this opportunity to try to take me to dinner and get in my pants.” She looked at me, as if trying to figure out why I hadn’t tried to spend more time with her.

  “I’m not most guys and probably wouldn’t be the best of company.” I ran a hand through my hair and looked anywhere but at her. “I’ve got some things on my mind that are probably best handled alone. Thank you for the offer, though.”

  “I don’t mind listening. We all have our issues and problems. You look like you can use an unbiased ear. What do you say? Dinner?”

  I looked at her for a moment, and I could tell she’d switched gears and wasn’t trying to get anything out of me; she really seemed genuine in her proposal.

  “I could do dinner. No expectations, though. I haven’t talked about this stuff with anyone in a while.” Even as I said the words, I was kicking myself. I was opening myself up to have my emotions on display.

  “No expectations, got it. That’s why I come here, no expectations or obligations.” As we walked outside to the strip, we fell into casual conversation about nothing in particular, and it felt like we’d been friends for ye
ars. Before I knew it, we were standing in front of Serendipity 3—her choice, not mine.

  “It’s a lot of pink, but they have great food, so no judging.” We walked in and were quickly seated over by the windows. “This is one of my favorite places to visit while I’m here. I’m pretty sure it’s a proven fact that you can’t be sad while in this building.”

  After taking our orders, Payton wasted no time jumping into the more difficult questions.

  “So, tell me what happened, but you don’t have to start at the beginning if you don’t want to. Just leave in the juicy parts.” Her hands were clasped together on the table, and she was anxiously waiting for my response.

  “Look, you don’t have to do this. It’s not a happy ending, obviously.” I was hoping she’d take the hint, but when she raised her eyebrow, I knew I wasn’t getting away that easy.

  “I’m waiting.”

  “Fine, whatever. So, my girlfriend died, alright? I was there and watched her disappear, and now she’s gone. She was my world, and now I just feel lost.” Her eyes softened immediately, and my eyes darted to the door, wishing I wasn’t at this table with her right now.

  “Shit. I’m sorry. I figured it was just a bad break up or that you’d lost all your money at a strip club. I feel like a jackass now.” She kept fidgeting with her hands, and I waited to see if she had more to say.

  “I— I know what it feels like to lose someone close. That pain in your chest that feels like it’s being ripped to shreds. The feeling like you’re alone to battle this war. It consumes your thoughts and tilts your world off its axis.” She finally looked up, and it was clear to me she felt this pain, also.

  “Aren’t we just the pair?” I gave an awkward laugh, not quite sure where to go with this conversation.

  “It was years ago for me. While their memory is still with me, the pain that goes with it has dulled over time. There are still triggers that set me off, and I’ll randomly be taken back to a darker place, but it’s a slow moving process. Yours is still pretty fresh I take it?” Our food came and I silently thanked the waitress for her impeccable timing.